Nicole, come on, let's go.
- Look, I was just fooling around. - Not because of you, jerk.
Shit.
[STEWART GROANS]
Oh, thank God. A doctor.
Sir, my leg, I think it's broken
and all I've eaten today is a doughnut. That is... That is quite large.
Wait a minute. Wait, you are a doctor, right?
Of course. I'm the track vet at Atlantic City Race Course.
- What? IRENE: He's very good.
He just put down one of our horses last week.
- I don't think it felt a thing. - But I'm not a horse.
Well, actually, in that case, it did feel it. A lot.
Well, those are the tough ones.
Okay, you are gonna feel a massive pinch.
But then your leg should feel just fine.
Don't... Don't...
Whoa-oh-oh!
Come on, is this really necessary?
After 250 volts through my neck?
You're lucky you're not back in the trunk.
I feel like I got a hickey from jumper cables.
- You know, I could arrest you for this. - Great. Do it, I dare you.
Wait, you'd have to be a real cop. Which, by the way,
was the single most attractive thing about you.
I can go back to being a cop any time I want.
Yeah, right.
MILO: You know why? - Why?
Because I'm good at it, that's why.
I'm sorry, but I disagree with you.
- Oh, and you're basing that on? - That's based on the fact
that there's a black SUV that has been following us, and you haven't even noticed.
- Who says he's following us? - Because it's the same one that I saw
at Dunkin' Donuts when I went to meet Jimmy.
There are a million black SUVs and 20 million Dunkin' Donuts,
...and that's just in New Jersey. - Listen.
There is a very good chance that cops are involved in the story
...that I'm working on. - Suicide?
They may have grabbed Jimmy. Jimmy may have given them my name. I don't know.
- They may wanna kill me. - You might think you're hot shit
and everything, but I'm pretty sure the only person around here that wants to kill you is me.
NICOLE: God! Look out. Go. MILO: What the hell are you doing?
[GUNSHOTS]
NICOLE: God. Shit.
Why don't you ever listen to me?
MILO: I do listen, but... NICOLE: No, you don't.
Look out.
Don't stop.
Milo!
[CAR HORN HONKING]
- Yes! I am so onto some... - Only you could be happy right now.
- Milo... - Stay here.
No, don't you leave me here, Milo. Get me out of here. Milo.
Shit.
- Ah! Jesus. - Christ.
I told you to stay in the car.
So, what? You are not the boss of me.
- You're gonna pay for that. - Okay, great. I owe you a nickel.
Stop the car. Get out. Get out of there.
Shit.
What the hell have you gotten yourself into?
- Really? Now you're interested? - Yeah, hell, yeah. He shot up my car.
I told you someone was following me.
Did you listen to me? No. Do you ever listen to me?
You told me somebody jumped off a roof.
He worked for the N.Y.P.D. in the evidence depository.
He was afraid of heights and it's still ruled as a suicide? Come on.
You know, you can tell me all this on the way to jail.
- You can't be serious. - Oh, you wanna bet?
Bobby signed the report.
What?
Bobby was the cop who signed off on the suicide.
- The same one that you said... - Watch yourself. Okay?
Very, very thin ice here.
- He is my friend too. - Oh, so, what is this?
Just a nice, friendly accusation?
No, this is not an accusation. This is simply connecting the dots.
No, this is about you caring about someone,
then, all of a sudden,
no warning, you don't care about him anymore and you're out the door.
- This is not about us, Milo. - Bobby.
Bobby walked you down the aisle.
I know that. And I will be heartbroken. But I am not gonna stand around
with my head in the sand.
I know exactly where your head is, sweetheart, and it ain't in the sand.
- What are you doing? - I'm gonna find this prick.
And when I do, I'm gonna prove Bobby innocent
and show you exactly what loyalty looks like.
No VIN number. No registration.
Yeah, this guy was definitely a pro.
Well, I got a Starbucks cup with the name Earl on it.
Well, maybe it's not his cup. Is that all you've got?
More than you've got, Kojak.
I got these.
What does it matter that he plays golf?
You see, I don't think he does.
These clubs have barely been used.
Plus, they're lefties.
The guy who shot at us was a righty.
Not to mention the fact that all the pockets are empty.
So what?
There is not a golfer in the world
who doesn't have tees and pencils and balls, shoes, you name it.
Why is he a member
...at the Castle Hill Country Club? - That is a good question.
That's why I asked it.
For once, that is a good question.
All right, here's the deal.
We're interested in becoming members of the club
and we are friends with John.
Okay. John who?
Just say John. They fill in the last name.
- Clever. - Thank you. Works every time.
All right, now you have to come up with an occupation.
Why can't I be who I am?
A bounty hunter?
We're trying to get into a private club, not a tractor pull.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
The club's closed today for a private event for members.
It's the Fourth of July.
Is it?
It's already the fourth, honey.
I can't believe it, honey.
NICOLE: Well, honey, neither can I.
See, the thing is, uh, John actually said that it would be all right
if we stopped by today.
John?
He's a member here.
You know John.
- Everybody knows John. - Big John.
I'm actually the membership director here
and I don't believe we have a single member named John.
That's weird, honey.
- This never fails. - Oh, wait.
Do you mean Jack Willit? They call him Jack, but I think his real name's John.
- Yes. Big John Jack Willit. - Yes.
Big John. Yeah, how could I forget.
After all the years that John and I have actually worked together,
- I forget people still call him Jack. - Jack.
Oh, you're also in the Senate?
Yes.
Which state?
- Okla... - Kansas.
- Oh...
Well, what a pleasure, Senator and Mrs. Boyd.
Let me find someone who'll give you the grand tour. Lucky us,
another celebrity at Castle Hill.
[LAUGHING]
I'm actually a former model.
Really?
How long ago was that?
Why don't, uh, you just find that person that will be giving us the tour.
Just stay right here.
I'll be back in two shakes.
NICOLE: All right, so let's split up.
I'm gonna take the tennis courts and the pool, and you're gonna take the pro shop.
MILO: You're just gonna run around asking people if they know a guy named Earl?
Well, do you have a better idea?
Learn from me, honey. You wanna know every dirty little thing
that goes on at a country club, you gotta ask the right people.
Who would that be?
The caddies.
MILO: Hey there. - Yeah?
- What's going on? - Hey.
Hey, do any of you fellas know a guy named Earl?
No?
[THE BEE GEES' "STAYIN' ALIVE (TEDD YBEARS REMIX)" PLAYING]
Hey.
- I'll take that as a yes. - Wait. Where are you...?
Milo!
Shit.
A little out of shape there, senator?
The kid's got 20 years on me.
NICOLE: Oh, come on, get in the cart. - Only if you let me drive.
- What is that supposed to mean? - That you're a sucky driver.
I am... I am not a sucky driver. I'm a great driver.
You know what? I don't have time for this. Get in here. Come on.
How could we lose him?
He knows the course better than we do.
Gentlemen.
There.
Stay with him.
NICOLE: God. Milo. - Get right up next to him.
- We're moving too fast. Oh, no. MILO: No.
I got you. I got you.
That was not my fault.
I don't know anything. The drugs, the cash.
I didn't know anything about it.
I didn't ask you about the drugs or the money.
Good. Because I don't know anything. I'm a caddy.
- Well, then why were you running? - Look, I'm just a kid saving for college.
Fine!
A Jet Ski, I'm saving for a Jet Ski.
Who's Earl?
Okay, look, all I know is, he plays here
as a guest with a couple big shots every three or four months.
If you can call it that. Dude doesn't know the difference between a wedge and a Ping-Pong paddle.
What's his last name?
I don't know. I don't know anything about him.
Why don't you use your college brain and think.
You can drown me if you want to. I'm not gonna know his last name, I swear.
And he's a big tipper, sometimes 100 bucks.
Oh, he got me this.
He got you a tattoo?
When my girlfriend dumped me, yeah.
He sent me to this place in Queens. Blue Ink.
I don't know, maybe he owns it or something.
[PHONE RINGS]
Blue Ink Tattoo.
MILO: Yeah, let me speak to Earl.
Not in.
- We got him. - Tell him a Walter Lilly called.
Tell him Walter Lilly called, all right?
All right. Walter Lilly? Thanks.
Very nice work, detective.
Hey, you, uh...
- You got some... - What?
- Some, uh... - What?
- On your neck. - What is it?
- It's some pond scum. - Get it off. Oh, God.
- It looks good on you. - Get it off. Milo, get it off. It's not funny.
- Okay. Calm down, calm down. - Get it.
What else? Where else is it?
- Wanna see it? Look. - Just get it out of the car.
- I think I'm gonna keep it. - Oh, Jesus.
Press it in a book.
I'll always remember the special day we just had.
See, you joke, Milo, but just look at us.
We're this close to solving a murder that nobody even knows has happened.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Speak of the devil. - Really?
Hey, Bobby, what's up?
You need to get off the road, and I mean now.
Yeah, this holiday traffic's...
- It's a real bitch. - Half of New Jersey is looking for you.
The other half is looking for your ex-wife, who is apparently a wanted felon.
For what, I have no idea.
So much for "what happens in Jersey, stays in Jersey," huh, Bobby?
Where are you, man? Exactly?
What?
Listen, Bobby, maybe you and I should meet for a beer later.
You know, talk about old times.
Goddamn it, Milo. I can only protect you if you do what I say.
And right now I am telling you: lay low, stay there.
- What? - He says we should get off the road.
- I believe him. - We are in the middle of nowhere.
You know what?
I know exactly where we are.
Really? Here?
We couldn't have driven five more minutes and found a Best Western?
At least we'll be safe here until we figure out what's what.
Think they're gonna remember us?
You kidding? Do you know how many honeymooners they've had since us?
Hey, can I help...?
Wait.
It can't be.
Edmund. Edmund. Come quick.
- Looks like they remember us. - You think?
Be still, my beating heart.
Oh, my.
Listen, we get a lot of young marrieds here, but you two...
I mean, have we ever had a couple more madly in love than these two?
No. No, we still talk about you two,
honest to Betsy, as the quintessential Cupid's couple Cabin.
Cupid's Cabin couple.
Oh, you know.
Let's get you a nice room. Come on inside.
DAWN: Welcome back.
Welcome. Welcome, welcome.
Oh, look, here's... Wow.
Oh, my goodness.
What, it's been three years?
Three years. Has it?
Oh, my God. I mean, I don't even remember.
So you came back for your anniversary.
I do have to ask you my favorite question.
How do you keep your romance alive?
Well, I gotta tell you, Dawn,
I'm not naturally a romantic kind of guy.
Mm-mm. True. He's not.
I mean, I don't tend to go for cards or flowers.
Actually, gifts of any kind.
If it's your birthday, Milo thinks the best surprise is the gift of nothing.
And you'd probably have to put a gun to old Nic's head here
to get her to actually say, "I love you."
[DAWN & EDMUND LAUGHING]
Well, that's true love.
That is right. Two people who know all each other's faults
and weaknesses, and yet...
DAWN: And they just love each other all the more.
Thank you.
Oh, gosh.
The cesspool's backed up again. I gotta call the guy.
No, honey, uh, I think it's them. They're a little stinky.
Well, we actually... We crashed into a pond.
She was driving.
Oh, my goodness, you two.
Let's get you settled, and then you can come back down for dinner.
We'll get you fresh duds.
Pop those in the wash, have them back by bedtime.
Excuse me, but what happened to your neck?
She Tasered me.
[LAUGHING]
She Tase... He's too funny. "She
[IN DEEP VOICE] Tasered me." Ooh.
[NICOLE CHUCKLING]
MILO: What? NICOLE: Oh, just...
This whole situation.
I mean, really, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you could see yourself in that dress, definitely cry.
What?
Said the man who couldn't decide what color to wear, so he wore them all.
Do you remember when we broke that...?
Yeah, I do.
Although I tried very hard to block that out, to be honest.
Oh, really? How's that working out for you?
- What, being honest? - Denial.
Great. Yeah.
Until about an hour ago.
Yeah.
Why...? Why do people do that?
Why do people do what?
Deny that they've ever done anything wrong in the relationship.
Why can't people just take responsibility for their shit and move on?
Which people are you talking about?
- I don't know. - What?
I don't know.
You. Me.
Everybody.
Well, maybe everybody's afraid
that any admission of guilt would be seen as a sign of weakness.
You know, that's where everybody's wrong.
I see it as a sign of maturity.
Don't you think?
- Absolutely. - I mean, life...
Life is about making mistakes.
Right?
And death is about wishing you made a whole lot more.
Huh.
Hey, I just made that up.
Look at you, Milo Boyd.
Well...
Well, then.
Here
is to our big, fat, ugly mistake.
The kind that knocks you on your ass.
And makes you wanna do them all over again.
What do you mean?
Well, I...
Well, wait, wait. What mistake were you talking about?
No, you just said you had made a mistake.
I did.
So we're in agreement?
But so did you.
Yeah, so we both made a huge mistake.
By getting married.
Oh, yeah, that. Yeah.
And getting divorced.
But you know what? Hey, I screwed up.
I screwed up, and I'm sorry.
Sometimes I...
Sometimes I really think it was all me.
This is crazy.
I know.
But I kind of...
I kind of miss it.
- What? - This.
Us. You know, you.
But you don't even like me.
Are you kidding me?
Of course I like you.
What are you thinking about?
Nothing.
Liar.
That's the nicest thing you've said to me all weekend.
MAN: Okay. Here you go, Kitty.
NICOLE [WHISPERS OVER PHONE]: Hi, it's me.
Oh, Steve?
No, it's Nicole. It's your daughter. Who's Steve?
He's the drag queen who does Sunday nights. What's up, kitten?
Mom, advice, advice. I need your advice.
Listen, I am locked in the bathroom of the honeymoon suite
at Cupid's Cabin,
...and Milo is right outside the door. - Lord in heaven.
You've barricaded yourself from him?
That's hot.
No, Mom... Okay. Focus.
[KNOCKING]
EDMUND: Room service.
I hope I'm not interrupting. Dawn wanted me to make sure
...you got the rest of your champagne. - Great. Hang on.
Oh, and your clothes are almost dry. I'll have them up here for you in a jiffy.
Oh, no rush. Might not need them for a little bit, if you know what I mean.
She must have a couple of bucks in here somewhere.
What's this?
Yeah, thanks for the champagne.
Oh, you forgot my...
Wow.
So, what was this moment of honesty?
I don't know. We were down at dinner,
and then all of a sudden I could not remember why I hate him.
Well, what did he say?
- He said he missed me. - What?
He said he missed me and that he was sorry.
He actually said he was sorry?
Was he taking your clothes off at the time? How naked were you?
- Mom, we were on the patio. - You were naked on the patio?
What can I say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Ma, we were at dinner on the patio. There was no sex.
- And he said "I'm sorry"? - Twice.
- With no sex? - Yeah.
Hold on a sec.
Yeah. Continue.
I don't know. Like, she's acting really weird.
I mean, she admitted for the first time that the divorce was all her fault.
- Yeah? What'd she say? - Well, I said I screwed up a little bit.
But then she said, "No, Milo, it was me."
And then I find this picture?
Tell me, do you keep your ex's picture in your wallet?
Honey, the number of times I've been married, they don't make a wallet that big.
SID: Come on, pick it up. Let's go.
- I wanna do more camping. SID: This is camping.
We're camping in Dad's office.
- Just don't tell your mother about this. - It's Milo.
What's the problem now?
Nicole keeps the wedding photo in the wallet.
Numb nuts wants to know what that means.
I'll tell you what it means. It means she hasn't cleaned out her wallet in a year.
You know, I'm pretty sure I'm carrying around a condom from 1987.
Don't tell your mother that, either.
You know something? I think that means she loves you.
I think so too.
KITTY: Open your eyes, honey.
How often do people get second chances?
I say get naked and get busy.
You're right.
- I'm gonna go for it. - You do that.
Oh, and take your phone with you.
One picture of his ass, that's all I'm asking.
- Mother, you are so dirty. - Thank you.
- I love you, sweetie. - I love you.
Boy. Okay.
Well, why do you care? This woman makes you crazy.
You drunk yourself out of a job because of her.
- No. I quit my job. - You were fired.
I quit by getting myself fired.
[MARVIN GAYE'S "LET'S GET IT ON" PLAYING ON STEREO]
Okay, you're thinking with your dick.
How many times I gotta tell you? No dick thinking. Stop thinking with your dick, all right?
I am not thinking with my dick.
Listen, even if I do get laid tonight, then it doesn't change a thing.
I'm still bringing her ass to jail, okay? So just chill out.
Ugh!
Hey.
[MUSIC STOPS]
Uh, is everything okay?
Why wouldn't it be?
They brought champagne.
- I thought maybe you and I... - Well, you thought wrong.
What are you doing?
I'm going to bed. What does it look like?
A great big blast from the past, that's what.
Oh, Nic shuts down again. Oh, boy, does this take me back.
Goddamn it.
Well, if it's so damn familiar, you already know that you're sleeping on the couch.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
The hell I am.
Are you gonna swallow that any time soon?
- Mm-mm. Tastes great. - Oh, God, you are so... That's it.
That is it.
Are you happy now?
Overjoyed.
Oh, sorry, did I wake you?
I just wanna say thank you
...for a really lovely, lovely evening. - No, Nic.
- What? No, Nic. Wait. - Tickles, huh?
Hey, come back here.
Nic. I swear to God.
Shit.
[GRUNTING]
Shit.
Hey. No. Wait. Nic. Nic, get back here.
Don't you dare, you...
Shit.
- What are you doing? - I forgot my wallet.
That's Irene's money.
- It's $ 10. - It's Irene's money.
- I will pay it back. - Irene will kill you.
Irene will have me kill you.
Dwight! Dwight!
- Yeah. - It's Milo's car.
No, I, uh...
Listen, here is a list of the other bed and breakfasts in the area
for your next visit.
- Come on, sweetheart. - Okay, thank you. I...
Thank you.
I'm sorry.
- Park that for you, sir? - Don't scratch it.
Roger that.
Shoot. Okay.
[THE BONELESS ONES' "ON MY MIND" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Excuse me.
Pilates World is across the street.
Well, no.
Actually, I want a tattoo.
Let me guess. You want a cute little butterfly on your shoulder?
- Well, uh... - We're by appointment only.
Darla, go get me some beers.
What do you want?
I want a panther
down the length of my body.
I'd like the paws to be about right here.
Then I was thinking the mouth, the teeth
about right here.
And then, uh, the tail...
I'll let you figure that out.
Cancel my appointments.
Darla.
I'm Bone.
Bone?
Is that short for something?
Boner.
Boner. That's catchy.
- Um, Is Earl here? - Haven't seen him.
Now,
pull up your shirt.
Give me a look at the canvas.
Mm-hm. Yes.
Yes, but do you mind, though, if I hit the head first?
Make it quick.
Oh, my God.
Bobby.
[MAN GRUNTING]
Jimmy. Oh, my God.
Holy shit, Earl. What happened?
Listen, let me get the keys to your pickup. Okay?
I need to get some junk out of my office.
- Okay. - Okay. Come on. Shh.
- Wait. DARLA: Oh, and a Walter Lilly called.
He didn't leave a number.
Come here, this way.
Son of a bitch.
- The guy's a cop. - I know.
- And a drug dealer. - I know.
- Isn't that against the law? - Yeah, last I checked.
It's Earl. Call me back as soon as you get this, all right?
I heard him on the phone.
He was arranging some meeting with a guy named Bobby.
Bobby?
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
DWIGHT: I got a better question.
Where the hell is Milo?
- I'm having the worst weekend. - Who is this person?
- How would I know that? - Nobody. Nobody. I'm nobody.
Well, that's wonderful. Now, is Nobody gonna get out of this car?
Or are we gonna put a big hole in Nobody's head?
Run.
- No. Jimmy. - I can't.
Your hair shimmers like sunlight on the ocean.
[PHONE RINGS]
- You are such a jerk. - You know what you are?
You're an emotional cripple, that's what.
You'd rather hunt down a guy who's trying to kill you
than deal with the guy who vowed to put up with your shit
...for the rest of his life. - Fine. You know what?
You wanna talk? Let's talk about an $ 11,000 gambling debt. You call that getting a handle on it?
DWIGHT: Hey, whoa.
- Not what I told you to say. NICOLE: I know. I'm sorry.
Hello. As you can see, we have your girlfriend.
I'm not his girlfriend.
No, she is my girlfriend.
But I'll tell you what, why don't you keep her. Call it square.
[LOLENE'S "RICH" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
- He hung up. - What?
[WHISTLING]
Holy shit.
What the...?
[PHONE RINGING]
[SIGHS]
Let me guess, she's driven you nuts already.
- Damn it, Milo, they are not kidding. - I wish I could help you. I really do.
There's just one small problem.
You handcuffed me to Cupid, remember?
How was I supposed to know that a couple of Neanderthals wanted you dead?
- Whoa, not a couple. - Why would you think we're a couple?
You know what? Put Chubby on the phone.
- Hello? - Really, Dwight?
Since when do bookies kidnap people?
You know, yeah. It's a little outside of my jurisdiction, but we're under new management.
Tell your partner he's got about five seconds to release her
or I'm gonna ruin the rest of his life.
He says release her or else. I'm paraphrasing.
Bring it on.
DWIGHT: Did you hear that?
Yeah. You know what? Put Nic on the phone.
What?
Tell your pals I'll be there in 20 minutes.
- He said he'll be here in 20 minutes. - That's good. That's good.
- Wait, Milo, I... - Stop shifting in your seat.
Tell them you have to use the bathroom. Don't look around. Just do it.
Okay, if he's not here in 20 minutes...
I need to pee.
You need...?
- Let's go pee. - Okay.
Yeah?
Oh, God.
[PHONE RINGS]
Yep.
- Oh, please tell me you have a plan. - Stay put until I come get you.
- Wait a minute. - What?
She said he'd be here in 20 minutes.
- So? - So,
she never told him where she was.
Here, folks. Some money. There you go. Yeah.
- Ho, ho, ho, ladies. Happy Fourth. - Oh, shit.
- What? - That is Milo Boyd.
MILO: Grab some of this, girls.
- Holy shit. - What?
- Everybody have a good time. - That's Irene's money.
MILO: Step over here. Come on, come on.
Yes, here we go.
Plenty for everybody.
Ladies, ladies. Here you go, ladies.
That's my money.
Get your hands off my dough!
Time to go. You all right? Car keys in the bag?
- Yeah. - Let's get the hell out of here.
Why can't you be this guy all the time?
I am this guy all the time.
No. A hotshot detective that I fell so madly in love with.
Instead, this bounty hunter who's always bragging about getting laid.
Oh, wait.
Is that what you're pissed about? I was talking to Sid.
What am I supposed to say, that I'm sweet on my girl again?
Yeah.
Yes, you say it. If that's what you mean, you say it.
Because you were so honest about your feelings?
All I'm saying is this night could've gone a lot differently if you had.
Yeah. Just like our marriage.
Maybe.
Some detective I turned out to be. Can't even figure you out.
She's strong for a stripper.
Watch it, Ray.
That was very painful.
- I'm gonna kick your Amazo... - Shut up, you little pussy.
[PHONE RINGS]
- Twenty Seventh squad, Griswald. MILO: Hey, Kenny, it's Milo.
Hey, Mr. Boyd. What's up?
Listen, I'm looking for Bobby. I called his cell, but he's not picking up. Is he there?
Uh, you know, with you not being on the force anymore and everything,
- I'm not really supposed to... - Hey, Kenny, I don't have a lot of time.
Now, you used to follow me around, kiss my ass. You still into that?
Yes, sir.
- Well, pucker up. Where's Bobby? - On his way to the depository.
Why? It's the middle of the night.
Lieutenant's got us working a double shift this weekend to complete the move.
- What move? - To the new facility.
I heard they had to inventory something like 194,000
...pieces of evidence. - Thank you. Take it easy.
That must have been quite an audit.
Do you know what happens to evidence when the case doesn't go to trial?
- What? - Not a damn thing.
So it just sits there?
Forever?
Ripe for the picking.
NICOLE: I'm hungry.
MILO: Tell you what. I'll wait here for Bobby.
Take the car. There's a great pizza parlor on Yonkers. Anything but peppers.
Mm-mm-mm. There is no way you're getting rid of me on this thing.
I wouldn't let you drive my car, anyway.
That was an accident.
- What? - The whole N.Y.P.D. thing.
The reason I got arrested. You can make all the jokes you want.
- But I'm an excellent driver. - Wait.
Your rap sheet said you assaulted an officer.
What...? Are you saying you ran over a cop?
I didn't run over anything.
- Then what did you do? - Nothing.
I was late for a press conference.
Traffic was stopped,
so I thought I could squeeze by
and I grazed it.
You grazed a cop.
No, I grazed a horse.
Okay? Are you happy? A big, dumb, old police horse
whose big, dumb, old police ass
swayed in front of my car as I was trying to pass it.
- You hit a horse? - I tapped him.
Tapped him. There was one little, little tuft of hair on my bumper.
- It was... Seriously. I can go to jail. - Yeah, for like...
[BANGING FOOT]
...years. - You're just... You know...
You're the world's worst driver.
NICOLE: Will you just be quiet?
Now, listen. We don't know anything for sure, all right?
- Maybe it's not what it looks like. - It's almost always what it looks like.
Hey, Bobby. Been looking all over for you.
- You get my message? - About the missing drugs? Yeah.
Well, we got a major problem. You know that, right?
Yeah, yeah, we do.
- Can I help you? - We're here to see Bobby Jenkins.
Can I tell him what it's regarding?
- Put the bag down, Earl. - What, this?
- What the hell's wrong with you? - Don't make this harder
...than it has to be. - The bag's down.
You know, I gotta...
Buzz me in. Now.
[BUZZES]
Got it.
[WHISPERING] Shh.
[WHISPERING] Sorry.
Jesus.
- What? - There's blood.
Oh, my God.
- Bobby. - You okay, partner?
[WHISPERING] What the hell are you doing here?
Looking for some answers.
- Who shot you? - Earl Mahler.
Yeah, I've been tracking him for the last couple of weeks.
After he murdered Walter. Walter Lilly.
Yeah, he's got my gun.
- What...? - Stay with him.
Where are you going?
- Stay with him. - Where are you going?
Baby, I'll be back. All right.
Hey, he's gonna be all right. He's a good cop.
You're a good cop. Look what happened to you.
Oh, yeah. You got a point.
Hey. Hey, where you going?
Da-da-da. Shh!
Drop it.
You were easy.
Oh, God.
You already shot one cop. Shooting another one's
...not gonna help things with the jury. - You're not a cop.
- Well, that's just hurtful. - Get down on your knees.
MILO: My knees, they're not so great, you know. Took a jump off a roof.
MAHLER: The last thing I care about is your knees, your health.
Now get down on your knees.
MILO: Now what?
MAHLER: Should have minded your own business.
MILO: Not concerned about your future?
You know, it's time for you to go, asshole.
Drop it. And I'm the only one who gets to call him "asshole."
You better tell your girl...
That's for calling me a girl.
MILO: That's for shooting at my wife.
NICOLE: So Earl Mahler was using Walter Lilly to gain access to the narcotics cage.
BOBBY: That's right.
He was gonna come clean, but by the time I got to his apartment,
he was already dead.
- But there was no proof it was Mahler. - Right.
If it wasn't for that parking ticket, he might have gotten away with it.
That's because she's a hell of a reporter.
Thank you.
But you did get one thing wrong.
Oh, are you kidding? Come on.
MILO: I'm just saying.
Bobby, it looked really bad. It really did.
I mean, your name was on the suicide report.
The bowling alley photo.
I walked you down the goddamn aisle.
- That's what I said. - Great. That's what he said.
Wait. You serious? She really thought I was involved?
Yeah. But then, you know, she never liked you.
You know what? Never liked your ass, either.
Oh.
I gotta get this story in.
[PHONE CHIMES]
Hello?
STEWART: I just want you to know that it is over.
You and me, we are through.
Stewart, are you drunk?
No, that is the aftereffects of horse tranquilizers
that were injected into my now-broken leg
by a local veterinarian, Nicole.
Oh, we had something beautiful and special and rare,
but if these are the kinds of people you hang out with, you can forget it.
Well, if that's the way you really feel...
Wait, no, no, no. Wait, no, hold on. No, no, no, stop.
Are you admitting that we had something beautiful, special and rare?
Stewart, I really gotta go, okay?
Okay, you go. But just know you have given my heart wings.
For moments ago, I was barely able to walk,
but now, now I will run to your side with the...
[CAN CLATTERS]
- Goddamn! - Stewart?
Hello?
[STEWART SOBBING]
NICOLE: Do you know what I really wanna do?
What?
I wanna blow off this story, and I wanna take you home.
- Yeah? - Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
But I gotta get this story in before anybody gets wind of it. I just have to.
- You understand that, right? - Oh, totally. Don't...
- Listen, I get it. - Yeah?
I get it. You're just doing your job.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Thank you.
That's not gonna be an issue this time around.
We both will sometimes have to put our job first.
It's like that, right?
Yeah.
Yep. But after...
Wow.
We're actually doing this.
Yes, we are.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
Why are we pulling over here?
Here?
[GASPS]
No.
You wouldn't.
I told you I was bringing you in.
And we have, oh, five minutes to spare.
Now, don't be mad, babe,
because we're never gonna get this marriage thing going again
if you come into it with a lot of anger and resentment.
I would like to be taken into custody, please.
Officer?
Let's go.
This is ridiculous. Unbelievable.
Where did you...?
Aren't I entitled to a phone call?
Ooh. It's the bounty hunter.
How was your weekend, asshole?
Did you set any more parades on fire?
Actually, Gelman, the rest of my weekend was pretty quiet.
- Yeah? - Until now.
It'll go to the Internet edition immediately,
and then all media outlets will have to come through us directly for the details.
Great. Thanks.
Using your one call to phone in a story. That is so you.
What are you doing here?
It's a special night, remember?
There's no way we're not spending it together.
Hey, can we go in the same cell together?
Get in the cell, dickhead.
OFFICER: Let's go. - I'm going.
You're crazy.
Maybe I am.
Come here.
Happy anniversary, sweetheart.
[KE$ HA'S "YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUG" PLAYING]